You remember the puzzle….you have a chicken, a fox and a bag of wheat to carry across the river in a rowboat. You can only carry two of them at a time. If you leave the fox with the chicken, disaster. Or the chicken with the wheat. How do you get them all across?

It was a bit like that yesterday.

We have a main road address, but it’s a letterbox and a driveway. The driveway is wide enough for a road and two rows of olive trees. And curves down to our house. Because its long we end up with quite a few trees in that paddock. And a fair bit of pasture.

So every so often I open it up and let our cows in for a feed. They like it, because they can walk all the way up to almost the front gate and mooch around watching the world go by. And they can lord it over the cows on either side, who belong to different owners.

But one neighbour's paddock has suddenly sprouted a bull. He wasn't there last week…you notice a bull. My two biggest cows are quite intimidating close up, they are just so big. But stand them next to a bull and they look small. This guy was noticeable, up near 1000kg.

Yesterday at least one of my cows was on heat. The bull told me. He talked about it last night and all morning. Then I happened to be working in line of sight of him and saw him take on the fence. All strained wire and barbs, he got halfway over but finished up with his rear legs tangled. Quite messy. He manically kicked and roared, and by sheer force of weight pulled himself through.

(At a cost. When I was close up later, he had lost quite a bit of skin around his legs. Looked very painful!)

I messaged my neighbor to let him know what was going on, and waited for a response. I didn't really want to deal with the bull by myself.

I got distracted, went back to get something, got sidetracked, realized I'd missed lunch and finally got back on track a couple of hours later. As I drove up our road, I saw my neighbor driving off. He was probably the same as me, I thought, needs two people to sort this out.

But when I got closer, the problem had changed. From the other side a steer from the other neighbour had jumped in. His steers are dairy cast-offs, so they are gangly, tall buggers. He probably just stepped over the fence…!

But it was complicated. The steer was alternatively trying to mount the bull, then the only calf we have, and ignoring the cows. The bull was trying to mount the cows., and getting irritated by the steer. One of the cows reared up as if she was the bull. Pretty chaotic. They all stopped and stared at me when I got close, on foot. The bull turned to look at me, shifted his feet to face me…and I backed off and got back in my vehicle.

I didn't mention…we have a gate into each neighbour's paddock. It’s a help occasionally.

I was 100% certain if I opened the neighbour's gate my cows would make a run for it. The chance to smash up someone else's turf! Who could resist?

My cows are bucket trained. So I went back to the house and came back with a bucket of apples. Then, on foot I walked through our laneway gate dropping an apple every few metres. Bucket training includes, as an extra-curricular item, shafting the others and getting most of it for yourself. So they charged after me, with the bull and the steer, a bit taken aback, dawdling after them.

Too slow boys! Ha hah! I closed the gate leaving the bull and the steer in the laneway paddock.

I got back into the buggy, and then commenced the delicate game of sending the bull through his gate while blocking the steer from following. Previously, in a similar situation, my kelpie decided to help and he was a full-on nuisance, popping up and yammering at the wrong time. In the end I made him and my wife go away so I could finish the process by myself. This time, though, he obediently sat in the back. He had a few suggestions for me, and sat behind me, freely giving me high-volume advice right in my ear, but he did not jump out and create a whirlwind. So that was good….

The bull wasn't a complex thinker. He tried a few baulks and changed direction a couple of times, but after five minutes you could see him think, " Ah, to hell with this!" and he turned and walked straight through his gate. Done!

With the steer by himself, I tried a different tack. I chucked a few olives branches into my neighbour's paddock, about 50 metres from their gate. The other steers got stuck into the feed, and pushed and jostled each other. (All big boys, with horns….pretty fearsome to watch!)

My visiting steer watched in in horror at missing out, and started bellowing. I opened the gate and he rushed in, to punch his way through the pack. I quietly closed the gate and messaged both my neighbours. Case closed!

When I went out to feed my cows late in the afternoon, the steer was back. Hilariously, he mixed in with my cows and looked as if he was trying not to be noticed. I sent him home again, switched on the electric fence. We'll see what happens next. His owner wasn't very impressed, and said he would get rid if him if he becomes a nuisance.

He doesn't have the necessary equipment to impregnate my cows. That would be an unwelcome finish to the saga. He's a big boy, skittish and with horns. I don't really want him popping in unannounced for a visit.